Posts Tagged 'Misc'

Pastafarian Transtubstantiation

pastaaaaaaForget Catholic Transubstatiation, Pastafarian Transubstation is where it’s at. Those Catholics want you to think crackers turn into Jesus, and we all know Jesus was no cracker. Nor was he a honky.

No man, cook up a plate of pasta, and as you eat it, it’ll totally turn into the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Think about it: spaghetti is already 1/3 of the FSM, all it needs to do is fly and be a monster. Not only is it holy, it’s delicious. Can I get a r’amen?

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Boobs From God: Salma Hayek’s Miraculous Mammaries

hayekThis may be a bit lowbrow, but I can’t resist. Here’s a bit of good news for all you ladies considering plastic surgery: save your cash and go to church! It worked for Salma Hayek. As a teenager, Hayek prayed for bigger boobs:

“My mom and I stopped at a church during a road trip we were making from our home in Mexico. When we went inside, I prayed for the miracle I wanted to happen. I put my hands in holy water and said: ‘Please God, give me some breasts.’ And he gave me them! Within a few months, I developed a growing spurt, as teenagers do, and I was very pleased with the way I grew outwards.”

There ya go: God exists because of Salma Hayek’s boobs! Not only is this a miracle of the highest, C. S. Lewisian order, it’s also a fulfillment of Jeremiah 31:14: “and my people will be filled with my bounty.” Certainly cleavage is a more compelling argument than, say, the ontological argument. But unfortunately, even Salma Hayek’s boobs aren’t enough to convince me of the existence of God. However, if I were to inspect them, my mind might change. God, make it happen.

Photo: Anthony G Moore, exposay.com

The Grammar of God

Unlike some atheists, I see no problem capitalizing “God”. God can be a proper or improper noun. It would be like having a dog named “Dog”: when you’re talking about dogs in general the word “dog” is lowercase, but when it’s your specific dog, “Dog” is capitalized. “My dog is named Dog”. Same thing with gods: “I believe in a god. His name is God.” However, the one grammatic stand I will take against God (and any other gods) is that his pronoun shouldn’t be capitalized. “I don’t believe in God. I’ve seen no evidence of him.”


Blogical

I’m starting this blog as an outlet for my thoughts on religion, it successes, shortfalls, and how I get along without it. As an atheist and secularist, I often get accused of only believing in “cold logic”, to which I respond, “What’s so cold about it?" Just because I think critically where where religious people don’t doesn’t make me cold, immoral or unfeeling. I’m not anti-religious per se, though I feel some religious practices do get a free ride where they shouldn’t. The main reason I’m an atheist is that I think a life lived on secular priciples is a better way to live. In reading this, you’ll probably see plenty of ideas you’ve heard before, and hopefully a few you haven’t. With any luck, you’ll understand where I’m coming from, and we’ll both be better off.
The Out Campaign: Scarlet Letter of Atheism
(image: happy human)

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