Bobby Jindal, the supposed right-wing equivalent to Obama, takes his religion a bit more seriously than his Democratic counterpart. To wit: he’s an exorcist.
It was the mid nineties, and young Bobby (real name: Piyush) was still in college. He was having a prayer session with a friend, whose name has since been vigorously withheld and today can only be reprinted in quotes: “Susan”. One thing led to another, and soon “Susan” was making the room smell like sulfur and doing all those irritating things girls generally do when possessed by the devil. Bobby did what any god-fearing Indian American would do: round up a group of friends and slam a Bible in her face. Nevertheless, “Susan” attempted an escape:
She suddenly leapt up and ran for the door, despite the many hands holding her down. This burst of action served to revive the tired group of students and they soon had her restrained once again, this time half kneeling and half standing.
This was of course due to the fact that she was possessed by Satan and not because a fanatical group of students were holding her against her will. But Bobby and company didn’t let up, they held the bible to her face some more, then made her read passages from the book in order to prove her loyalty. Ironically, nearby fraternities used similar initiation procedures too.
In the end, Satan did leave “Susan”. Either that, or she blacked out during three hours of what could under nonreligious circumstances be described as “assault” or “torture”. But the experience has stuck with Bobby through his rise to power. Now we know why he hates volcano monitoring: he thinks it’s really a means of communicating with the devil.
This raises another interesting point. Bobby’s parents were Hindu, and young Bobby didn’t see the light o’ Jesus until high school. But were his exorsist tendencies cultivated entirely during his brief time as a Christian? Not necessarily. Some Hindus believe that humans can be possessed by evil spirits:
Hinduism accepts a fact of possession being possible, so there are procedures to remove spirits as well. They are of three kinds: Vaidika (based on Atharvana-angirasa), Tantrika (based on Agamas: Shaiva, Shakta & Vaishnava) and Shabara (folk traditions).
There’s even a gallery of photos from a Hindu exorcism. Neato! This is not to say that Bobby’s parents necessarily practiced this kind of exorcism. But it could mean that even though Hinduism is not as rigid as Christianity, and some Hindus have gone so far as to say that atheism is a subset of Hinduism, it fosters a spirit-based outlook. Couple that with a few years of hard Catholicism and you’ve got a recipe for an exorcist.
Hopefully the mature Bobby won’t have to perform as many exorcisms. But we can rest assured knowing that he’s keeping us safe from bullet trains to Sin City, and of course, sulfurous volcanoes.
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